He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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