he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
