Kiss
Puke
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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