he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
