You were right. It hurts to walk today.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
