i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
