he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
