you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
