I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize