did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
