Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
