Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
