Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
