I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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