you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
sex in a hospital.. check
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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