did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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