Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
