I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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