well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize