So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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