I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
