I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
