you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
