I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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