I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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