Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
