I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
