I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
