How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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