This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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