You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
