I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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