he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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