Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
