we have officially lost it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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