I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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