I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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