$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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