Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
