Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
