he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
