I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
