ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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