it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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