ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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