just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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