I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
