One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.