Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard

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(240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard http://tfl.nu/hbi3

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(517): View more from Michigan

can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

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(517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp

Replies (10) Good night (4047) Bad night (1460)
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(626): View more from California

All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.

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(626): All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me. http://tfl.nu/0mc8

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears

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(717): It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears http://tfl.nu/xih7

Replies (19) Good night (5114) Bad night (836)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.

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(443): Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now. http://tfl.nu/3e9p

Replies (6) Good night (2247) Bad night (792)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

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(330): Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in. http://tfl.nu/l5u1

Replies (8) Good night (3769) Bad night (957)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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(613): Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi. http://tfl.nu/hd9g

Replies (9) Good night (4318) Bad night (1612)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...

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(405): please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin... http://tfl.nu/m01o

Replies (2) Good night (676) Bad night (2060)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.

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(815): Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa. http://tfl.nu/kz18

Replies (3) Good night (2000) Bad night (679)
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(956): View more from Texas

I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.

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(956): I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/vvm8

Replies (8) Good night (457) Bad night (989)
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(716): View more from New York

BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.

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(716): BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet. http://tfl.nu/90zb

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(815): View more from Illinois

the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.

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(815): the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa. http://tfl.nu/pziy

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(330): View more from Ohio

lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA

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(330): lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA http://tfl.nu/ocjg

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(905): View more from Ontario

You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..

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(905): You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr.. http://tfl.nu/wzin

Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (544)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji

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(306): sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji http://tfl.nu/t1cx

Replies (2) Good night (553) Bad night (229)

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