Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dating After Heartbreak
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.