It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.