Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

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  (814): I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive http://tfl.nu/iqgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1948) Bad night (502)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina

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  (917): I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina http://tfl.nu/sexo
  Replies (71) Good night (6659) Bad night (828)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.

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  (607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/om4f
  Replies (27) Good night (4638) Bad night (1423)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?

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  (217): I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college? http://tfl.nu/03bi
  Replies (13) Good night (4573) Bad night (828)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.

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  (515): you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation. http://tfl.nu/yqu2
  Replies (8) Good night (3647) Bad night (871)
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2220) Bad night (582)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.

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  (541): i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts. http://tfl.nu/e6qn
  Replies (5) Good night (2105) Bad night (508)
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  (707): View more from California

  At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.

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  (707): At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon. http://tfl.nu/h8sp
  Replies (3) Good night (1152) Bad night (1256)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.

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  (516): The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me. http://tfl.nu/o6eb
  Replies (6) Good night (2752) Bad night (635)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.

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  (828): I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since. http://tfl.nu/iexd
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (1251)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.

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  (360): Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try. http://tfl.nu/j8hc
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (863)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad

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  (812): Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad http://tfl.nu/owz5
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (421)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??

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  (+44): My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts?? http://tfl.nu/jz5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1351) Bad night (365)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.

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  (480): I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified. http://tfl.nu/m5g1
  Replies (2) Good night (271) Bad night (481)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high

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  (314): I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high http://tfl.nu/02c4
  Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (200)

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