Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.

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  (843): I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed. http://tfl.nu/tmoe
  Replies (16) Good night (680) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods

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  (313): Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods http://tfl.nu/gefu
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..

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  (412): you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby.. http://tfl.nu/7gz9
  Replies (10) Good night (3597) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

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  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7887) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."

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  (850): she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.." http://tfl.nu/uij4
  Replies (2) Good night (3891) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.

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  (360): High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice. http://tfl.nu/cgkk
  Replies (12) Good night (1337) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight

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  (540): There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight http://tfl.nu/g8si
  Replies (0) Good night (1068) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."

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  (785): Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk." http://tfl.nu/6oxw
  Replies (2) Good night (765) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.

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  (518): No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once. http://tfl.nu/gul1
  Replies (4) Good night (669) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Pics or STFU

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  (617): Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward. (1-617): Pics or STFU http://tfl.nu/b1yq
  Replies (5) Good night (1121) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.

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  (202): I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle. http://tfl.nu/vi8d
  Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover

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  (214): If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover http://tfl.nu/4860
  Replies (6) Good night (363) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.

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  (417): He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex. http://tfl.nu/n0fj
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  did i make more ranch sandwiches last night

  (269): View more from Michigan

  you had 4

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  (248): did i make more ranch sandwiches last night (269): you had 4 http://tfl.nu/kctz
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.

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  (440): I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over. http://tfl.nu/4owi
  Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (260)

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