and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?