well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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