i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
