Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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