Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize