you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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