Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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