my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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