I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
