I smell stomach acid.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
