Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
