'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
