You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You took a bar mat shot.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
