I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize